Nathan and Jordan, it’s so sweet to see you up here together. So much has happened since you first met each other, and Nathan told us that there was this girl he had met while dancing whom he really liked and wanted to get into a relationship with. And when we first met you, Jordan, we could see why he was so glad to know you. You are beautiful, Jordan, and the impact you have had on Nathan has been seismic. Nathan, you’ve grown in wonderful ways as your relationship with Jordan has deepened. The love the two of you have for each other has been delightful to see, and your willingness to care for and serve each other has been a beautiful testimony to that love.
So it’s no surprise that you have chosen passages from the Bible about love as focus of your wedding ceremony. Love is central to marriage; indeed, it is central to life. But love is also badly misunderstood in contemporary society, so it’s very appropriate that we take a few moments here to talk about what love truly is, how it will strengthen your marriage, and how you can strengthen your love.
One of the sources of modern confusion about love is that we use the word love to describe so many different emotions. I can love my wife, my children, my job, my church, my country, my pet, or my dinner. The fact that we can use the same word to describe so many different kinds of relationships makes it easy for us to become confused about how those loves actually differ from each other. These two passages that we’ve heard read from the Bible illustrate this point, for they talk about two different kinds of love. Song of Solomon, the second passage read, speaks of romantic love, while the first passage, 1 Corinthians 13, speaks of a love that’s hard to describe with a single adjective, but which I’ll call generous love.
Romantic love such as that described so ardently in Song of Solomon is the love between a man and a woman that fundamentally conveys the message “I delight in you and I want to be bound to you forever”. We hear this throughout the passage - “Arise my darling, my beautiful one… You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes… How beautiful is your love… How much better is your love than wine… Who is this… as awesome as an army with banners?... Put me like a seal over your heart, … for love is as strong as death, jealousy as severe as the grave… Many waters cannot quench love.”
Romantic love is the kind of love we fall into. It overwhelms us, and once we are smitten by this love, we couldn’t keep from being in love if we tried (and who would even want to try?). It wants nothing more than to be in the company of the other person, and delights to make that person happy. Few other experiences in life bring more joy than a shared romantic love, and when this love is shared nothing is more natural than to make the kinds of profound commitments that you will shortly be making to each other; promises of faithfulness in good times and bad, for as long as you both shall live.
The love I’m calling “generous love” that is described in 1 Corinthians 13 is a broader love that fundamentally conveys the message “I want to see you thrive.” While romantic love is like generous love in that it wants to see the beloved thrive, it is only properly given between a particular man and a particular woman, while generous love can be given to children, friends, one’s church, one’s country and even to one’s enemies. Generous love can give its possessions to feed the poor or surrender its body to die in battle for a beloved country. Generous love may be provoked or wronged by an enemy but takes no account of it. Generous love seeks the good of the loved one even if that love is not returned, or it is returned with hostility, and it is willing to endure all things to see the beloved thrive.
And generous love makes true generosity possible, for true generosity is the spirit that says, “I want your good, and I’m willing to give what I can to help you secure it.” Much of what passes for generosity these days is less interested in the good of the person receiving the gift than it is in the satisfaction of the person giving it. We give in order to feel virtuous, in order to receive the applause of others, for the sake of the tax break and for other reasons, but Paul warns us that in God’s eyes, giving done for these reasons is worthless, or even harmful. True generosity is only possible when we have a generous love for the recipients, a love that has no concern for whether the gift is recognized or appreciated, but only that it does good for the person receiving it.
Generous love is the love that washes the dishes because it knows that the other person is tired. Generous love gets up one more time at 2:00 in the morning for the wailing infant to let the other person sleep. Generous love listens to the other person simply because the other person needs someone to talk to. Generous love doesn’t keep a count of how often the other person has told that story, has no idea who won the last argument (frankly, it doesn’t even think in terms of winning and losing arguments), and it prays long and hard for the burdens that the other person carries. Without generous love, no marriage can thrive, but with it, a marriage can endure virtually anything the world may throw at it.
Both romantic love and generous love must be cultivated. Romance gets cold over time unless you help it along. Love notes, date nights, an attractive piece of clothing, a poem – all these and more can help to keep romantic love glowing (especially if they are backed up with real generous love that meets the needs of the other). Generous love can become wearisome over time without some encouragement. Few people become tired of hearing the words “thank you,” and romantic love can give us many creative ways to say it. The two loves each support the other and as each grows stronger the other will too.
But we are weak people, and there will be times when our love will flag. We’ll need help to rekindle it. And this is where it is so important to live in a community that will support you. Look out at those who are with you today. We are your support team. As the years pass by, others will come alongside as well. If we see your love flagging, our job is to help you restore it, to encourage your faithfulness to your promises and to support you in your weakness. We are not here to commiserate with you when the going gets tough, but to strengthen you, pray for you, and equip you so that you can do the hard work of loving generously and romantically when the feelings that normally drive such love have gone AWOL.
And above and beyond any help we can give, you need to turn to Jesus. He is our supreme example of generous love, for he who is equal with God the Father and sits with him on the throne of heaven came to earth as a baby, grew up as a poor man, gave his life in service to others, was misunderstood, hated and finally cruelly killed all for our sake. He gave himself utterly to rescue us from our alienation to God and to open the door for us to a magnificent future beyond the grave. And He who supremely demonstrated generous love towards us so that we might truly thrive has promised to give us what we need so that we too can be like him in showing generous love to each other.
Beyond that, Jesus is our example of romantic love as well, for he truly delights in his people. The Bible speaks of heaven as a huge wedding feast, in which Jesus is the bridegroom and his church is the bride. This ceremony which we are enacting today is a tiny image of what heaven will be like for God’s people. Jordan, as you came down the aisle, you in your beauty were a little image of the glory and splendor that God’s people will have as they come to Jesus. And Nathan, the joy you felt as you saw Jordan is a tiny hint of the joy that Jesus feels as he sees His people coming to him, to be joined to him in the great wedding supper of the Lamb. This is one of the best images of heaven that you will ever see, and the real thing far surpasses the best we can do here on earth.
Jordan and Nathan, cultivate your romantic and generous love for each other. With the help of Jesus and of good friends like those with you today, strive to delight each other and serve each other in a generous and self-forgetful way. Seek to imitate Jesus in his love for us, so that your marriage may be filled with the deep joy and delight that God intends, for in so doing you will find rich blessing in your life together and glorify God by showing the world a small but true picture of what God intends for His people.
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