The following message contains references to Genesis 2:18-25, Ephesians 5:15-33, and the hymns "Holy, Holy, Holy" and "Be Thou My Vision" that were read or sung during the service. Their full text is at the bottom of this document.
Aren’t Michael and Mary beautiful?
It didn’t have to be this way, though. You didn’t have to be so beautifully dressed up and to be standing in front of such a wonderful group of family and friends. People do get married in a courthouse in front of a justice of the peace with a witness or two to sign the marriage certificate.
But that is such a sad and inadequate way of entering into such a momentous covenant, and we know this deep in our hearts, even if we can’t explain it. Marriage is foundational for who we are as human beings. It has a deep meaning that extends far beyond simply uniting people who happen to like each other in a legal union. The ceremony we enact today is intended to communicate some of this deep meaning as it is revealed to us in the passages that were read for us a few moments ago.
In the passage from Genesis, the first book of the Bible, we see is that marriage has been a part of humanity from our very beginning. After creating the first man from dirt and assigning him the responsibility of caring for the garden of Eden, God said “it is not good for the man to be alone”. Though up to this moment, God had pronounced everything that he had created to be good, the solitude of the man in the garden was not good.
So God gave the man, Adam, the task of naming the animals. Each of them had its mate but Adam did not. When this was done, Adam knew firsthand that it was not good that he did not have a mate.
To remedy this, God sets out to make a mate for Adam, someone who was a helper fit for him. But rather than making this perfect companion for Adam from dirt, like he had made Adam and the other creatures, he made Adam’s helper Eve from a piece of Adam himself. She is made of the same flesh as Adam. He recognized this when Eve was brought to him – “This at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”. “Finally!”, he says, “someone who is one flesh with me”.
This passage ends by telling us, “The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed”. When God brought Eve to Adam, he was conducting the first wedding ceremony, and Adam and Eve became husband and wife. Our ceremony today is modeled after that first wedding, with you, Michael, playing the role of Adam. You, Mary, are Eve, and your father has the role of God. One difference, of course, between this wedding and the first one is that both of you are fully and beautifully clothed, but the nakedness will have to wait.
The resemblance of this ceremony to the first marriage runs deeper still, for we are told in this passage that when a man and woman get married, they, like Adam and Eve, are one flesh. This doesn’t mean that you, Mary, were somehow made from one of Michael’s ribs, yet in some way the union that you two are making here today is so deep that it can be called one flesh even as Adam and Eve were one flesh. We see here one reason why divorce is so tragic; it is something of an amputation, for it severs two people who are one flesh from each other.
As the first book of the Bible has taught us the foundation of marriage, the last book of the Bible, Revelation, teaches us what marriage is modeled after, for in it we read:
21:1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.
At the culmination of human history, when the world has been made new again, there is a wedding. In this wedding, God escorts another bride, the new Jerusalem. She is the church, descending from heaven in splendor for her husband, Jesus Christ.
So Michael, you represent to us not only Adam, but also Jesus, and Mary, you represent not only Eve, but also the church, the new Jerusalem. Your beauty is intended to hint in a small way at the splendor of the church in that day when all sorrows are gone and God has wiped away every tear. And this ceremony is intended to point us to the day when we will see Jesus united with his church in a profoundly intimate union that transcends even the intimacy of the one flesh union experienced by Adam and Eve.
And not only does your wedding ceremony point to the relationship between Christ and his church, but your lives going forward together are intended to point to that same relationship, for we see in the second passage that was read for us today, a portion of Paul’s letter to the Ephesian church, that as husband and wife, you are to relate to one another as Christ and his church relate to each other.
It is here that we find the true understanding of marriage. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman that is modeled on the relationship between Christ and his church. It is a picture of an eternal reality, not an arbitrary convention that we may alter as we see fit. God is holy, and altering the picture that he gives us of the relationship between Christ and his church would be as disrespectful as painting a mustache on the Mona Lisa. In particular, we may not make marriage into a union of two of the same kind of person. Christ and his church are not the same, and there can be no union of two Christs or two churches that could serve as a model for a marriage. The differences between Christ and the church are profound, and they are what teach us about the differences between the roles of the husband and wife in a marriage.
You, Michael, are to love Mary as Christ loved the church, and to give yourself up for her so that she might be as beautiful as God intends for her to be. At the very least, as Paul says, you are to desire her good as much as you would desire your own. You should be as eager to see her thrive as you are to be healthy yourself. But loving Mary as Christ loved the church means even more than that. To paraphrase a portion of Paul’s letter to the Philippians, we can see that you, Michael, are to:
do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count Mary more significant than yourself. You must look not only to your own interests, but also to Mary’s interests. You must think of yourself the way Christ Jesus thought of himself, for though he was in the form of God, he did not cling to the status that gave him.
Instead, Jesus made himself nothing becoming a servant to us, living as an ordinary person, humbling himself and becoming obedient to God’s calling to the point of death by dying on a cross.
It was by loving the church in this way that Christ made it possible for us to be reconciled to God and be cleansed from all our sin, and it is by loving Mary this way that you are to help her to become as beautiful as God intends for her to be. Though you are not likely to be called upon to die for Mary’s sake, you are likely to be called upon to lay down your life for her in many smaller ways. Whatever the situation you find yourself in, your calling is to do this out of love with joy, just as Christ loved the church. Michael, this is the job description that you are signing up for as Mary’s husband.
And Mary, you are to submit to Michael’s leadership as to Christ. This is a really hard thing to say in today’s society. There probably are some people in this room who are struggling to agree with what Paul says here. Submission has become a horribly toxic word in our society, one which reeks of suffering, defeat, and humiliation. But if we pay attention to the whole passage, we must realize that this is the farthest thing from what Paul had in mind when he used that word. It is impossible to imagine that a man who loved his wife as Christ loved the church could ever wish to impose suffering, defeat, or humiliation on his wife.
We are much closer to Paul’s thinking if we imagine a skilled pair of swing dancers on the dance floor, or a couples ballet team on the ice. In each case, the man may be leading the woman, but it’s not because he has defeated her. She will be following his leadership, but not because she has been humiliated by him. Rather the man is serving the woman as a leader by putting his strength and skill to her service so that she will look as good as she can on the dance floor, and she is submitting to his leadership by receiving the service that he gives and using it to display her excellence on the dance floor or on the ice. This is how you, Mary, are to follow Michael, for this is how the church is to follow Christ.
And it is not as if you are the only one being called to submission in this passage, for Paul calls all of us as believers to submit to one another as to Christ. Even as you are to submit to Michel’s leadership, he is to submit to you as he seeks to meet your needs. You and Michael have different roles, but submission is necessary for both of you as you seek to fulfill those roles.
When the world looks at your marriage, God intends for us to see two people seeking with all their hearts to live out a little illustration of how Christ and the church relate to each other. As you, Michael, pour out yourself in love for Mary, and as Mary responds to your leadership with joy and submission, we will learn something of the nature of how Christ pours out himself for his people and how his people are to respond to his gift with gratitude and obedience.
This is what you will be promising to do for each other in your vows, and by God’s grace this is how you are to seek to live with each other as long as you both shall live.
And apart from God’s grace, you will fail.
On your own, neither of you is good enough, wise enough, knowledgeable enough or strong enough to adequately fill the roles that God has given you in marriage. There will be times when you, Michael, can’t or won’t love Mary as Christ loved the church, and times when you, Mary, can’t or won’t be able to submit to Michael as unto Christ. Each of you at times will fail, and it will be necessary to acknowledge that failure, learn from it, and set out again to do what God has given you to do.
You will need to help one another to fulfill your roles. Mary, pray for Michael that he might have the grace and strength to love and to lead you as he should, and strive to help him do this well, for he will need your help. Especially seek to be a wife who is not hard to love and lead. Michael, pray for Mary that she might have the grace to receive the good that you intend for her. Seek to be a man who is not hard to respect and strive to know and love Mary better so that you can be wise about what she needs and glad to give it.
You in the congregation, who promised together to uphold Michael and Mary in their marriage, pray for them. If they come to you for advice, encouragement, or assistance, help them to remember the promises they are making here and give them what you can to help them live out these promises faithfully and joyfully together.
Be encouraged, Michael and Mary – God is with you. The God who designed marriage and who intends that it mirror his love for his people will not leave you to carry out this purpose on your own strength alone. Seek his help and the help of his people and you will find him faithful. Focus on Jesus and let him be your vision as Lord of your life. Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and you will find him working in you to enable you live out the life that he intends in your marriage.
God is faithful. The vows that you are about to make to each other also teach us something about God, for they point us to the promises that God has made to his church. He has promised to take us to be his people for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and he will love and cherish us not just until we die, but into eternity. As this wedding leads to a honeymoon, the wedding of Christ and his church will lead to our eternal honeymoon with God in heaven. Marriage is holy and beautiful and to be celebrated with joy for it reminds us of the purpose for which God has created us, which is the joy we will experience in the presence of God in heaven.
